Do It Scared - Lessons From Puppy Training
We were at our family's cabin for a long-awaited vacation at the lake. It was set for early June, and expectations were high for a warm, sunny, relaxing two weeks at the lake. On the drive down, I started feeling a little extra sneezy, and Jules was determined to help me keep the mindset that it was just allergies, which made sense because we’re in a different state and the allergens are different. RIght? Or so our wishful thinking would hope. I got sick…then she got sick…and the weather was windy and cold, with only a few spots of sun and the warmth we were so craving to soak in. So we found ourselves inside with our 12-week-old puppy, Charlie, on a rainy, frigid, and windy day.
Charlie's crate and a couple of her beloved toys were upstairs, where we slept, and up until this point, we’d been unsuccessful in getting her to take the stairs to get there by herself. Each attempt to train her to get comfortable with the steeper, carpeted version of something very normal for her at this point in her life. The carpet is a bit slippery, and she did slip down two levels on her first go, which scared her. understandable. I knew, going in on this particular rainy day, that we were confronting the fear of falling, along with taking in something new.
I gently guided her nose up, and she put her front feet up on the first step, edging toward putting her back feet on it, not knowing that her legs today are longer and more sturdy than they were yesterday because she’s growing at a rate I don't even know how to express. She’s right there. The treat is mere centimeters out of her reach. Her nose and neck outstretched as far as they could possibly go without her putting her back legs up. I, believing fully in vibes and intentions even though I know we don't speak the same language, continued to tell her she could do it, she has everything she needs, she’s just gotta trust her new longer legs to do what I know, and she somewhere deep down knows they can do.
She finally did.
When she finally allowed herself to trust in her abilities, she didn’t just go up one step. She went up 3 with sheer momentum. I was surprised and delighted, and fumbled at giving her more than the one treat I had planned to because she did so well! Then she immediately realized what she had done and how far up she’d gone, and I watched her choose to go back down the stairs and be scared of it all over again, even though she’d just done it. Through reassurance and repetition, we finally got her a quarter of the way up the stairs before Jules convinced me that I was babying her; she can clearly do it, she’s just gotta stop being a baby about it. So I went to join her at the top of the stairs, hoping Charlie's fomo would push her to make the rest of the journey.
It didn’t. This is not a story that ends in success. Simply a different perspective. She gave up. She lay down and eventually walked herself back down the stairs. She saw the reward waiting at the top and walked herself back down to a comfortable spot. known. safe. Getting the rewards of the life you envision for yourself requires effort, self-trust, believing you can do it, and wanting it badly enough. Once you KNOW you can do it, you simply must choose it. And if you don’t…don’t you worry, that staircase isn’t going anywhere. It’ll remain EVERY DAMN TIME you walk past it or sit at the base of it yearning for what’s at the top.
I know that there will be a day when Charlie chooses it over her fear, and we will fucking celebrate when that happens.
I felt like Jules and I were her council of elders in that moment. Debating whether or not we thought she’d do it, and scenarios we could create to get her to realize she’s fully capable of what she fears. It got me chuckling to think about my ancestors and all the scenarios they put me through to make me realize I was truly getting in my own way. At the end of the day, the reality you want is right there. I know you can see it. You will choose it when you are ready to receive it. Rest in that. Then go keep trying.
